


Revenge Is Best Served Paternally

by Moron1



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Comedy, DILFs, Dadfucking, I may be a lesbian but you can't tell me that Henry Allen isn't a DILF, M/M, Revenge, idk what to tag, it barely deserves the M rating tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25201561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moron1/pseuds/Moron1
Summary: When Leonard Snart witnesses the unthinkable, his first instinct is to plot revenge against the perpetrator, one Bartholemew Henry Allen. But with his usual methods out due to his deal with the Flash, he turns to one of his oldest methods for revenge: fucking his dad.
Relationships: Henry Allen/Leonard Snart, mild Barry Allen/Cisco Ramon/Lisa Snart
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	Revenge Is Best Served Paternally

**Author's Note:**

> I figured out that Leonard Snart is exactly 17 years older than Barry Allen and younger than Henry Allen and I thought it was funny. Also, I’ve always thought that the idea of sleeping with someone’s dad and becoming their step-parent as revenge was hilarious. 
> 
> This is just a stupid crackfic, but it seems like I can only finish the stupid fics, so here ya go.
> 
> Also pls note that I haven't slept properly in a week if this is weird lmao

It had been a long day of dealing with petty criminals and Family men attempting to encroach on his territory, so much so that Len was genuinely contemplating the idea that someone had it out for him, and all he wanted to do was get himself into his bed at the Rogues’ latest safe house and sleep for fifteen hours.

So of course, instead of coming home to a nice, quiet apartment, he opened the door to what was perhaps the worst sight that he had ever seen in his forty-four years of life.

Len had been tortured before. He’d witnessed plenty of vile shit. He had even watched people that he cared about be murdered. But nothing came close to seeing his sister, his _baby sister,_ getting double teamed by her boyfriend and the Flash, on _his fucking couch._

It was almost as if Len was the one with speed powers, as everything seemed to go in slow motion, from the strangled sound of despair that wrenched its way out of his throat to the way that the Flash whipped around with a look of terror on his face and a high pitched shriek. He was rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but watch in horror as Allen’s movements exposed more of himself and Lisa.

Len had seen Lisa naked before, he had basically raised her from birth, but that didn’t mean that he was at all okay with seeing her in any kind of sexual context. He threw his arms up to shield his eyes, but it was too late for anything but the application of brain bleach to prevent the image of his sister from being seared into his retinas.

As fast as he humanly could, Len turned around and walked straight out of the door, slamming it and tearing out of the complex for one of the only places that he knew that he would be welcome, Mick’s apartment.

He banged on the door until Mick opened it, looking pissed off at having to get up and answer the door. He took one long look at Len’s dead-eyed stare and let him in without much fuss. 

“What the fuck happened to ya?” He asked, heading over to the refrigerator to grab two beers and handing one over, “Thought you were just heading home.”

“I was, until I found Lisa having sex on my couch. With-” Len was about to say the Flash, but he caught himself in time. His agreement with the Flash still held, and as far as he knew, Lisa probably didn’t know that the man that she was having sex with was the superhero that they fought on a fairly regular basis. “With a cop.” He finished lamely.

“Really?” Mick’s brow furrowed, “Last I heard she was still with Ramon.”

“Ramon was… also there.”

“Oh, you caught your sister having a three-way. Makes sense.”

“I’d rather not think about those words in conjunction with my sister, so instead of thinking,” Len said while picking a bottle off of a shelf and inspecting the label, “I am going to drink until I can’t remember the last hour, and then I’m going to plot my revenge.”

“On Lisa? Or on her boy toy and the cop?”

“On Barry Allen,” Len intoned dramatically, before Mick gave him a look of confusion and he elaborated, “Ramon’s cop friend. He pisses me off normally, and now I’ve had to see his dick in my sister’s mouth.”

Mick snorted and took another swig of his beer. “The fuck are you gonna do about him though? Murder’s not an option with the Flash ‘n all, and I’d rather not have the pigs come down even harder on our asses if you rough him up.”

“Fuck, you’re right.” Len thought it over for a bit, taking long pulls of his beer intermittently. “I suppose I could humiliate him somehow?”

“You could sleep with his sister, make it even.”

“Mick, you know damn well that I’m gay. And it wouldn’t have the same impact if you sleep with her, even if she did agree to sleep with your ugly mug.”

“Fuck you, Snart. He have a brother?”

“An adopted one, I think, but the kid’s, well, a kid. Probably underage and even if he isn’t, I’ve got rules about sleeping with people half my age.”

“Then fuck his dad. Easy.”

“His dad’s a cop too- Actually, that might just work,” Len smiled, “You remember Doc Allen?”

“From the Heights? Yeah, he stitched me up a couple of times, why?”

“Well, Allen is his kid. And the good doctor was released, he’s been traveling around the world for a while now.” Len raised his eyebrows with a leer.

Mick snorted in amusement. The “fuck his dad” routine had been something that Len had picked up in juvie, a way to throw off someone’s game. Back then he’d been a scrawny thing, especially compared to Mick at that age, which had been plenty of fodder for the other kids to hurl slurs and claim that he was Mick’s bitch, as well as various other similarly uncreative remarks.

Pretending to hit on them would have only gotten him beaten up with little fanfare, but telling them that he’d fuck their father tended to psych them out enough that he could get away, or at least have the upper hand in a fight. He hadn’t used the routine in ages, having grown out of it and into the “shoot out his kneecap if he doesn’t agree” routine, but there was something to be said about the classics.

~:~

Len had to put the idea on hold for a little while, as he had to tie up a few loose ends before he felt comfortable putting his attention elsewhere, but after a few days of tedious work, he had a flight booked for Henry Allen’s last known location.

He was in a well-fitted suit and a turtleneck, having decided that his parka would send the wrong message. The plan wasn’t to actually seduce the elder Allen, but he certainly wouldn’t be opposed to going with his plan B. The man wasn’t bad looking for an older man.

Said older man was sitting at an outdoor table at a cafe, reading a newspaper. Len slid into the seat across from him, and the man put his paper down after glimpsing who had sat down.

“Doc Allen,” Len purred, giving the man a lingering once-over. Yeah, he really wouldn’t mind plan B.

“Leonard Snart,” Henry responded blandly.

“Call me Len.”

“Then you should call me Henry. Doc reminds me of prison, and well, if I never go back there I’ll probably die a happy man.”

“Just let me know if you ever end up in that situation, and I would be happy to break you out,” Len drawled, placing his hand comfortably over the older man’s. 

Henry blinked at him dubiously, but he smiled, letting out a huff of laughter. “Hopefully you won’t have to. Now, why is it that you came to visit me? You don’t seem to be injured, and it doesn’t seem like you to come see me of all people just out of boredom.”

“Well, I’d like to get revenge on your son.”

Len said this jokingly, despite being honest about his intentions, but he hurried to clarify at the dark expression that had fallen over Henry’s face.

“He slept with my sister.”

“Oh!” Henry looked surprised, “I had expected- Nevermind, but how exactly am I meant to be involved in this revenge?”

“You expected me to try and use you as a hostage for the Flash?” Len smirked, but then froze for a second before realizing that the other man didn’t seem surprised at the knowledge, only that he had it. “We have a deal, sometimes I help him out. And for the revenge…”

Herny raised an eyebrow.

“Tell me, Henry, have you ever been attracted to a man?”

“Is this related to your plans for vengeance, or is this a… personal inquiry?”

“That depends on your answer. But what would you say if it was… _personal_?” Len said, tilting his body forward.

“Well,” Henry looked him up and down carefully, “I’d say that my hotel room is right over there, assuming, of course, that you meant that as a proposition.”

Len slid a hand up Henry’s leg and squeezed the meat of his thigh. “Shall we leave then?”

~:~

It wasn’t until a good twenty minutes later that the two made any more conversation

“So what was that revenge plan again?”

“Y’know what? It’s not relevant anymore,” Len turned to his side, contemplating Henry from where he rested next to him. He looked younger like this, but maybe it was just the afterglow. “But if your kid ever asks how we met, you might want to backdate it a bit. No one would question if we met in prison.”

“So is that the game? Barry slept with your sister, so you sleep with me?” Henry looked more amused than anything, “And what would you have done if I wasn’t so amenable to sleeping with you? I could have been one of those widowers who refuses to tarnish his wife’s memory by sleeping with anyone else.”

“Then I’d ask you to play along or at least not outright reject any accusations,” Len smirked, “Barry’s not that hard to rile up. A couple of leading questions, some strategic leering, and then he’d get so wrapped up in it that I could probably rob a bank while he was busy. Two for one.”

“Mmn.I wouldn’t mind doing this again, if you want.”

“Ugh, maybe in an hour or two,” Len shifted, feeling a pleasant burn in his muscles, “We’re both too old for that.”

“I meant at a later date, but I wouldn’t mind a second round either,” Henry chuckled, “I was planning on moving back to Central soon enough, anyway.”

“I’ll look forward to that. But for now…”

~:~

Two months later, Henry was sat in his armchair, reading a book and drinking a cup of tea, when Barry sped into his living room, skidding to a stop and accidentally kicking the rug into the corner. 

“Dad, We need your help at Star Labs, it’s not super urgent, but-” Barry trailed off as he peered at a coat draped over the side of the couch, “Is that- is that Captain Cold’s parka?!”

“Len was just over, yes.” Henry took another sip.

“You’re calling him _Len?_ What the fuck dad, how do you even know him?”

“Well you see, we rather hit it off in prison, and he comes over to visit me on occasion.”

“Is this- Is this because of me?” Barry looked panicked, half expecting his father to turn out to be working against him. The problem of having so many father figures betray you one way or another, unfortunately.

“No, Barry,” Henry laid a consoling hand over his son’s, “Look, I get that it must be hard for you seeing your old man move on, but your mother wouldn’t have wanted me to stay hung up over her forever.”

“Wait, what does mom have to do with any of this, I-“ A dawning look of horror spread across his face, turning him pale. “You don’t- you can’t mean that you’re fucking my nemesis.”

“I wouldn’t say fucking, certainly. We’re… in a relationship.” Henry smiled at that. It would have seemed ridiculous to him even just a few months ago, but Len was a surprisingly attentive… partner. They were both far too old for the ‘boyfriend’ moniker.

“Dad!”

“Barry, indoor voices please.”

“Dad, he’s literally a supervillain!”

“Need I remind you that vigilantism is illegal as well?”

“That’s not the same! He killed people!”

“And he doesn’t kill people anymore. You went through all that effort to get him to change and now you refuse him that change because he did something that you don’t like?” Henry stared Barry down with the most ‘disappointed father’ expression that he could manage without bursting into laughter, “Barry, that isn’t like you.”

Barry’s mouth gaped open unattractively, making him look not unlike a fish. Henry patted him on the shoulder and got up, putting his book and mug down on the side table. “You said something about needing my help at Star Labs?” 

Barry shook his head to clear it and got back on task. “Yeah, but we _will_ be discussing this later.”

~:~

And confrontation in three... two… Len looked up from his phone to see Barry burst through the double doors at the entrance of Jitters. Right on time, estimated from Henry’s last text to him.

“Snart,” Barry snarled, looking angrier than he had in any of their previous fights. If he’d known that the way to get the Flash so angry that he got sloppy was to just sleep with his father, Len might have done that years ago. Of course, he would also have done it even if it hadn’t riled Barry up. He quite liked Henry.

“Your father is a good man, Barry. And you know what? I was always so against it when you claimed that I had good inside of me, but now I’m thinking that it might not be so bad having some good inside me.” He ended the statement with a leer, making it all too clear to Barry what he meant by that.

Barry shrieked in incoherent rage and made to storm off. 

“Hey, Barry?” Len called back to him.

Barry turned, glaring suspiciously at Len.

“Next time don’t fuck my sister.”

“I- That’s what this is about?! You fucked my dad because I slept with Lisa?” Barry looked incredulous as he ran a hand through his hair, “I apologized for that! Well, for you seeing that at least. But I had Cisco upgrade your gun and everything!”

“Actually,” Len sent him a smug grin, “I slept with your father once as revenge. Dating him, and the subsequent several orgasms? That was just because Henry is _great in bed_.”

Barry was looking green at this point, but he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, as if it pained him, and he turned to leave.

“Your father’s an attractive man, I just couldn’t help myself!” Len shouted after him, which caused Barry to flip him off as he left, leaving Len chuckling to himself as he finished his coffee and the other patrons of the coffeeshop stared. Ah, revenge was oh so sweet.

He sent off a text to Henry before he got up to leave. Fighting with the Flash always got some nice adrenaline going, and it really was quite nice to have someone to make use of it.

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if y'all want more of whatever this is? or if you want a smut chapter or something, idk. I was also thinking about writing a Leonard Snart/Joe West fic where they kinda grow up together, so tell me if you'd be interested in that lol.


End file.
